tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49841854822752391462024-03-05T14:22:18.486-08:00carrying ballastbal·last: n. weighty material used in sailboats to provide stability against lateral forces on the sail.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.comBlogger417125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-53461093441054379182015-10-07T21:33:00.001-07:002015-10-07T21:36:53.497-07:00Our Mother<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Our Mother</span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Who sits here in this kitchen with me</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Your name is Love</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
You bring new life</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
You spark new hope</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
And you are weaving together heaven and earth.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Fill our bellies and our souls today,</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Help us to love our sisters and brothers</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
With the same love you lavish on us,</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
The love we all need and want.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
And send us out from this kitchen</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
To be the bearers of light, life, and hope</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
To a dark, hungry world</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Because this food is too good not to share</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
This story begs to be told</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
And your glory never ends,</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Amen.</div>
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-79173399709231324002015-03-22T16:17:00.000-07:002015-03-22T16:17:05.341-07:00mealtime prayerGod we are thankful for all you have given:<br />
this food, this place, this moment<br />
this table and each person gathered around it.<br />
Bless these gifts; may we honor you as we enjoy them.<br />
Thank you for being both Giver and gift. Amen.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-78788534054016233972015-02-21T13:43:00.001-08:002015-02-21T14:29:56.458-08:00exoskeletonsTen thousand rocks, a dozen logs<div>and they are more than satisfied,</div><div>my wild crew.</div><div>Winter is kind today, </div><div>our eyes squint at the sun-glared</div><div>Sound, happily harsh to our </div><div>mole-ish faces, as we go</div><div>about our business </div><div>disturbing crab families</div><div>in their sandy dens.</div><div>Two-inch patriarchs brandish </div><div>tiny claws in our direction</div><div>as the women and children </div><div>side-scurry to safety.</div><div>We are a family </div><div>of mammoth tyrants </div><div>at play, our lovely </div><div>Saturday at the beach.</div>Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-21421441547131964962014-06-12T08:53:00.001-07:002014-06-16T11:18:36.632-07:00every day magic<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Be a tourist in your city</span><br><font color="#000000"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div>Treat the children like guests</div><div>Love your husband like a stranger</div><div>Set the table for high tea </div><div>Use your telephone voice</div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Notice our strange culture</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Take vacations at the office</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">And make every effort to wonder</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">at the every day magic.</span></div><div><br></div></span></font>Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-11600374041702102032014-05-14T14:30:00.001-07:002014-05-14T15:17:05.466-07:00enough<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<span style="font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">I have been working with moms of babies and young toddlers for many years now through the class I teach at our church preschool. By and large, the women I have met through the class have been a lot like me: we are moms in the trenches, trying our best, but often worrying that its not enough. </span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
What is enough, anyway? And who gets to decide? </div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
We're not sure, so we scroll through our facebook feeds and fret about whether or not to enroll our 3 year old in a music class, and wonder if we should be putting kale chips in our kindergartner's lunches. It's exhausting.</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
We know the golden rule, "Thou shalt not compare thyself to other moms," but we all break it all the time, because we're afraid we might have forgotten something critical, something other moms know but we don't. After all, our kids deserve every opportunity... right?</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
But what if they don't? What if the facebook memes and P&G commercials and grandmotherly cliches in the supermarket aisle are largely missing the point of what our kids <i>actually need</i> from their mothers?</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
I'm beginning to wonder.</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
We all know that mothering matters, but we also know that there are many different ways to do it well. So exactly what parts matter most? They can't be tied to culture, or socioeconomic status, or personality, or staying home vs working, because I refuse to believe that money or extroversion or accessibility to play groups are strong enough factors to allow or deny a woman the opportunity to meet her child's needs (except in the most extreme cases of poverty). They can't be piano lessons, or an uninterrupted hour of daily interactive playtime with mom, or traditional two-parent homes.</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
So what are the essential pieces of motherhood that cannot be outsourced, the non-negotiable things that all children need which their mothers uniquely offer?</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
I humbly present my amateur, from-the-trenches, work-in-progress list. In my opinion, we'd do well to focus more on the essentials below, and less on how we measure up to one another on all the peripheral details.</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
1. <b>Safety*.</b> Our children need to be safe and feel safe. Safety comes before love on the list, because a child who does not feel safe cannot experience or receive love. Neurological research reveals that our brains cannot learn if they feel threatened or endangered. Does your child feel safe in their home? Did you vet their daycare provider? Did you buckle them in a car seat and hold their hand when you crossed the parking lot? Did you listen when they shared their fears or struggles, offering them safe emotional space? Give yourself a high five, mama. You're awesome!</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
2. <b>Love. </b>I know, I know, DUH. But it's essential, isn't it? And only a mother can give a mother's love. Let's make it our goal to learn our child's favorite way to receive love. Some kids need to hear it all day long and see it on the bathroom mirror and read it on a note in their lunch box. Others might brush away your words and hugs, but flash you a huge smile when you bring home their favorite take-out dinner. Get to know them, and love them how they love to be loved. Did you say "I love you" today? Did you kiss a cheek or tickle a belly or feign interest in a long-winded story about recess games? Pat yourself on the back, lady. You're nailing it!</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
3. <b>Values.</b> This is the tough one, and maybe the most overlooked. Our children need their mothers to teach them what matters in life, and there is only one way they will learn it: by example. As their mom, we are showing them in a million tiny ways all day long what it means to be a human being, what it means to be a woman, what it means to be a spouse, friend, neighbor, or co-worker. We can't just teach our values, we have to live them. No one else can do this for your child like you can. Do you want to teach your child to make healthy choices? Let them see you exercise, or go to counseling, or meet a friend for a drink after dinner (Yes, I really just listed that as a healthy choice. Deal with it.). Do you want your child to have a fulfilling spiritual life? Live yours in front of them. Do you want them to be generous? Make giving and serving part of your family culture.</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
Living as an example for your children will mean making mistakes in front of them too. I hate that part. But they need it. They need to see us fail, and try again. Fight, but make up. Snap, and then seek forgiveness. To me, this is the heart of what it means to be a good mom: to be your authentic self and to let them see. </div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
Maybe the first step for some of us is to honestly examine our values, and how those values line up with our lifestyle, habits, and routines.<i> </i>Sounds fun, sign me up, right? But truly, more than a college fund, more than organic veggies, more than select soccer camp, our kids need and deserve this from us. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
So, mom-in-the-trenches, be good to yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you are to your child. Value your own health and well-being, and they will learn to value theirs as well.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
Did you do something good for your mental health today? Did you lose it with your kid, but then apologize and seek forgiveness? Did you make a choice today that was in line with the values you hope to impart to your children? Give yourself a gold star, woman. You are doing good work.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">
Mothering is not a world of one-to-one correspondence. We cannot follow a recipe and get the desired result guaranteed. But we all still need some reassurance that we are enough, and we won't find it on Pinterest. So let's try not to worry about, well, whatever nonsense we've been worrying about. Put them in ballet or don't, feed them fries or spinach frittatas or whatever's on sale at Grocery Outlet -- it's all good. Just keep them safe, show them love, and be yourself. You got this, mama.<br />
<br />
*A caveat about safety: I am not talking about shielding our kids from the world at large or trying to keep them from experiencing any pain or difficulty in life. I am talking about the most basic level of safety, like protection from abuse and neglect. The kind of safety I believe that kids need is the kind that makes it safe for them to fall, fail, and get in a little trouble. I think our culture worships a different kind of smothering safety for children, but that's another post for another time.</div>
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-40196881318538327462014-05-04T11:39:00.000-07:002014-05-04T11:40:18.598-07:00no quick fixToo small, he moved too much,<br />
<div>
each leaving wound</div>
<div>
a spring tight in his chest,</div>
<div>
hair-trigger snares </div>
<div>
like nightshade sown</div>
<div>
into a fruited soul.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Then he turned five</div>
<div>
and sprung a leak,</div>
<div>
unwinding wounds we</div>
<div>
hoped were healed,</div>
<div>
now tripped and spilling</div>
<div>
purple down his shirt.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We keep him still,</div>
<div>
or try, by clumsy hand</div>
<div>
to mind and tend</div>
<div>
the tender places,</div>
<div>
blindly pressing </div>
<div>
band-aids over broken bones.</div>
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-86220329148950777602014-01-19T07:32:00.001-08:002014-01-19T07:33:15.466-08:00sort it out<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Her sturdy fingers move</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">the wooden blocks </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">from bin to floor</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">and back to bin:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">the industry of one</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">year olds, a crucial task.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">It looks like play,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">but watch her face:</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">intent. Intentional,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">her focus broken</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">just for bursts</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">of brief delight:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><em>The blue block fits</em></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><em>inside the red bin!</em></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">And she sees that</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">it is good.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">This is her very work</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">and she will </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">do it well</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">and long past</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">babyhood, this careful</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">sort. Good from</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">bad, in from out,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">meaning from</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">nothing, created</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">from Creator.</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">So sort the bits now,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">little sister,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">sort it out.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Teach me again</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">to put things in</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">right order,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">so to find </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">the boundary lines,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">like blocks and bins,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">in all their</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">pleasant places.</span></div>
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-90746418604363267822013-12-12T13:00:00.000-08:002013-12-12T13:00:27.577-08:00SimeonHe was born<br />
into the great silence -<br />
nearly five hundred<br />
years without a prophet,<br />
but Simeon heard<br />
<br />
the old voices.<br />
Go to the temple,<br />
they told him,<br />
and the people laughed.<br />
All but Anna, who<br />
clasped her bony hand<br />
around his wrist<br />
when he passed by:<br />
<em>Today</em>, she whispered.<br />
<br />
Surely not them.<br />
The road-weary carpenter<br />
and his girlish bride,<br />
tattered bundle clutched<br />
<br />
tight to her chest.<br />
<em>Yes.</em><br />
<br />
His feet moved unbidden,<br />
hands took the warm passel<br />
of rags and flesh<br />
from the unsuspecting mother.<br />
Holding the Child,<br />
<br />
he heard himself say<br />
the words <br />
to all the songs<br />
the silence could hold no more.<br />
<em></em><br />
<em></em>Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-21751252699577521992013-11-04T20:07:00.001-08:002013-11-04T20:13:54.666-08:00For Logan, from your aunt on the occasion of your birthThe midwife took a photo<br />
of your cord<br />
where it hung,<br />
attached at the furthest <br />
edge by <br />
a scant few <br />
<br />
precious vessels.<br />
Strands of life,<br />
they tell your story:<br />
a tale of enough,<br />
a braided rope of<br />
love, joy, and plenty<br />
<br />
far right of reason,<br />
and smack in the middle<br />
of God's good grace.<br />
<br />
Bless you, boy!<br />
<br />
Be graced, good son,<br />
to cast your steadfast line<br />
to sea, and catch<br />
all those who need a love<br />
that won't let go,<br />
and know:<br />
<br />
Your mother's thread,<br />
the Father's hand,<br />
the Spirit's breath<br />
will hold you still.<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-47228294589468322722013-10-01T11:38:00.001-07:002013-10-01T14:37:30.159-07:00to ethiopia with loveI rip the envelope<br />
in the Walgreens parking lot,<br />
flip through each photo <br />
first quickly, then again <br />
taking my time<br />
while the van idles, until<br />
the kids get restless<br />
and it's time to move on.<br />
<br />
I drive home distracted,<br />
trying to see each image<br />
through your eyes:<br />
how will it feel to see<br />
the child you lost at home<br />
with me? He smiles.<br />
Will you?<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I will send them,<br />
these frozen moments --<br />
a birthday dinner,<br />
his preschool portrait,<br />
the first soccer game (he<br />
scored three goals).<br />
A month from now,<br />
maybe two,<br />
an old friend will walk<br />
down a long red road,<br />
greet you with three kisses,<br />
and hand you a package.<br />
<br />
You will see his face,<br />
and yours, and ours.<br />
I can't pretend to know<br />
what you will feel;<br />
I only pray you know<br />
our love is for you too.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-68184864252064740492013-09-23T10:19:00.001-07:002013-09-23T11:38:43.784-07:00a pre-written retrospective on motherhoodShe kept having children<br />
perhaps because<br />
they all began babies,<br />
who lay down quietly in her lap. <br />
<br />
Nestled skin to skin,<br />
full satisfied by all <br />
her body had to give,<br />
she delighted to be<br />
emptied into them.<br />
<br />
And then they flew<br />
too far to follow,<br />
followed dreams and girls<br />
down roads <br />
she hadn't chosen.<br />
<br />
Now the stairs and hallways<br />
rattle memories,<br />
silence louder than <br />
their shouting ever was.<br />
<br />
She sits by the un-smudged <br />
window, hands in her<br />
empty lap,<br />
quietly<br />
sad and satisfied<br />
in all her fullness.<br />
<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-24739218044600461372013-09-01T09:27:00.001-07:002013-09-01T13:22:22.651-07:00to nurseTo tend,<br />
or worry over,<br />
in the case of wounds.<br />
At a hospital,<br />
<br />
to do a job,<br />
a shift,<br />
to lift and turn,<br />
to measure, prod<br />
and watch.<br />
<br />
Here, in this darkened<br />
room at dawn<br />
it is love.<br />
To give my<br />
self, be emptied<br />
and then filled<br />
<br />
by the round <br />
of her cheek, the<br />
grasp of her tiny<br />
fingers,<br />
her weight in my lap,<br />
content.<br />
<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-20027953438124638902013-08-30T19:55:00.001-07:002013-08-30T19:58:42.357-07:00all downhill from thereThey arrived by<br />
leaving <br />
the only home<br />
they knew, a dark<br />
paradise <br />
without hunger,<br />
without want,<br />
without fear.<br />
This very space <br />
not only shrank but<br />
squeezed,<br />
pressed,<br />
expelled,<br />
ejected them<br />
through a bath<br />
of blood and water,<br />
into a world of<br />
harsh light,<br />
brutal noise,<br />
haunting hunger,<br />
endless need.<br />
Years later we <br />
will fret over<br />
a swat on the rear,<br />
a scraped knee<br />
the wrong soccer coach.<br />
As if we had some<br />
power to shield,<br />
as if the bubble<br />
ever stays intact,<br />
as if the trauma<br />
doesn't start with birth.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-42246568658428117842013-08-14T21:18:00.001-07:002013-08-14T21:32:52.736-07:00stranger sonI loved a boy<br />
with an easy smile,<br />
an eager heart,<br />
an aim to please.<br />
For seven years<br />
I knew his face,<br />
and he knew mine -<br />
we were the same,<br />
or so it seemed.<br />
<br />
I lost that boy,<br />
I don't know where,<br />
or how, I only<br />
know he's gone.<br />
He's here, but not<br />
the boy I loved,<br />
and now my work<br />
is just to love<br />
another <br />
<br />
(him).<br />
<br />
He wears the face<br />
of the boy I loved,<br />
the easy boy,<br />
and I forget --<br />
<br />
Oh, let me not forget!<br />
<br />
To love this boy<br />
with the grimace face,<br />
the angry fist,<br />
the fearful heart:<br />
we're still the same,<br />
beloved, still.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-29699496975077039492013-07-13T17:34:00.001-07:002013-07-17T20:56:08.385-07:00a thousand winters for thisA thousand winters<br />
for this:<br />
white spray<br />
against blue sound<br />
and my babies <br />
giggling <br />
into the wind,<br />
save one<br />
warm on my chest.<br />
<br />
If I saw the scene<br />
in a painting -- <br />
our little boat <br />
under sapphire skies,<br />
ferries with fresh paint <br />
and the mountains ringed<br />
in cloudy crowns --<br />
<br />
Contrived, I might say,<br />
or sentimental.<br />
<br />
But here now,<br />
real:<br />
I would live <br />
a thousand winters<br />
for this summer.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-63436441626879793092013-07-06T18:03:00.001-07:002013-07-06T18:03:13.577-07:00baby daysThese are the days<br />
of nakedness<br />
with no shame,<br />
no guilt, no blame,<br />
no broken rules.<br />
It's always OK<br />
to cry,<br />
and you can't<br />
make any mistakes.<br />
No wonder the Teacher<br />
tells us to be<br />
like you.<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-54284034498087320572013-06-29T15:35:00.001-07:002013-06-29T15:35:53.764-07:00pure and wiseWisdom too often<br />
comes at the<br />
cost of innocence,<br />
but You say both:<br />
doves and serpents,<br />
holy and shrewd,<br />
fly and slither,<br />
strike <br />
the heel,<br />
but bring back<br />
the olive branch.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-80662743318700978452013-06-12T10:44:00.001-07:002013-06-18T11:33:15.266-07:00some womenSome carried dirty water<br />
too far in leaky buckets,<br />
Some bent low to pick <br />
hard crops in the hot sun.<br />
Some kissed fevered foreheads<br />
in ice-cold ICU wards,<br />
Some made their choices <br />
with no choice at all.<br />
And me? I pushed <br />
a stroller, saw a butterfly,<br />
suffered the little children<br />
come to me.<br />
I'll never know why, but<br />
God said it was<br />
enough.<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-65020952292199438242013-06-01T16:26:00.001-07:002013-06-01T18:50:39.805-07:00painting griefThey put her ashes <br />
in the ground today,<br />
my grandmother,<br />
and I didn't cry.<br />
The eulogies were stirring<br />
but my eyes dry,<br />
no tremble in my voice<br />
when I stood with<br />
my sister and sang.<br />
<br />
Hours later now <br />
I sit by myself<br />
in the art museum <br />
around the corner<br />
from the church.<br />
Where the words and<br />
music of the <br />
morning failed,<br />
the lines and light<br />
of the artist<br />
succeed.<br />
<br />
Undone, I cry <br />
grace for the sinner<br />
whose tears are too late.<br />
<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-13718396661515656662013-05-22T21:39:00.001-07:002013-05-22T21:44:16.188-07:00dusk runI run tonight <br />
at the rabbit hour<br />
after the rain,<br />
mist rising off the<br />
damp pavement<br />
but it isn't cold<br />
and the moon shines<br />
yellow through <br />
leftover clouds.<br />
A short loop,<br />
then an out-and-back,<br />
my longest run<br />
since the baby and<br />
it feels good<br />
even when it hurts.<br />
The stretch beyond<br />
the turnaround<br />
grades just so,<br />
a faint incline that<br />
feels harder than a hill<br />
because the eye says it flat<br />
but the body disagrees,<br />
and I think that crazy<br />
may be as simple as that:<br />
A fight between<br />
the eyes and limbs <br />
of a man who doesn't <br />
know he's almost home.<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-56930876248412299842013-05-20T13:23:00.001-07:002013-06-13T12:01:31.537-07:00I love a babyI love a baby<br />
for all she doesn't know:<br />
for sweet ignorance,<br />
for the fresh start,<br />
for a thousand mistakes <br />
I haven't made<br />
yet.<br />
I love a baby <br />
for all she doesn't do:<br />
feet that don't run,<br />
arms that don't fold,<br />
lips that don't speak a word<br />
yet.<br />
I love a baby <br />
for all she doesn't need:<br />
no hard decisions <br />
and no discipline,<br />
no tests or therapies,<br />
no parent-teacher conferences<br />
yet.<br />
Oh! how I love a baby.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-45033207611859980732013-05-20T13:21:00.003-07:002013-05-20T13:22:50.555-07:00three sonsDandelion flower<br />
an hour before dawn, <br />
balled up small,<br />
I wait <br />
for the slow<br />
grow of chill gray<br />
into lighter day, <br />
aching for<br />
sun, son, and Son.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-7838144576054683532013-04-30T22:48:00.001-07:002013-04-30T22:50:15.564-07:00his mother's sonHow his eyes crinkle<br />
when he smiles,<br />
the way he gets lost<br />
in a book,<br />
his tender heart,<br />
his hair:<br />
the me in him <br />
I love to see.<br />
<br />
If only we gave<br />
only the good.<br />
<br />
How the ghosts of<br />
imaginary expectations<br />
haunt him,<br />
the way correction<br />
makes him squirm,<br />
his tender heart,<br />
his fear:<br />
the me in him<br />
I cannot take away.<br />
<br />
God help us both.<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-50725760624392702832013-04-19T13:18:00.001-07:002013-04-19T13:20:20.239-07:00flower girlsThe camellias early bloom<br />
in a rush of pink,<br />
immodest and brash beauties,<br />
all rouge and no blush.<br />
<br />
The magnolia holds <br />
her buds like velvet tears<br />
suspended in a slow tableau,<br />
their hour not yet come.<br />
<br />
Brazen camellia<br />
browns quick as she pinked,<br />
drops in a heap.<br />
<br />
Sweet magnolia <br />
opens clean and snow white<br />
face to the light.<br />
<br />
<br />
Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984185482275239146.post-13211391436703336382013-04-04T17:30:00.001-07:002013-04-04T17:30:14.931-07:00little sparrowLet me not grow weary<br />
of doing it all wrong,<br />
of needing <br />
grace upon grace<br />
upon grace.<br />
<br />
Let my path be dark<br />
and let me stumble,<br />
let my strength fail<br />
and my flesh give way.<br />
<br />
Let me be the little sparrow<br />
sold for five pennies,<br />
let me fall and be known<br />
in Your care.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16425646410486288854noreply@blogger.com0