If you don't have anything nice to say... ask for a fork.

The Scene: Yesterday. Nate is strapped in his car seat, ready to go to church. He has some fake food to keep him occupied; he is pretending to eat spaghetti and ice cream. I am making too many trips between the house and the car, getting us all ready to go.

Nate: Mommy!

Me: (while shoving extra diapers in Dexter's bag) Yes Nate?

Nate: I have something nice to say to you!

Me: (pausing and looking up, excited to hear a gem of love from my boy) What's that buddy?

Nate: Um... can I please have a fork?

At least he had something to say nicely... if not something actually nice to say! But maybe he had just lost his train of thought, because out of the blue about 10 minutes later while we were driving to church he says, "Mommy? (Yes, Nate.) You're a princess." There it is.

A 3-year-old's perspective

Me: Nate, what would you think about having another baby in the family? (We are NOT planning to have one anytime soon, I was just asking out of pure curiosity, I swear.)

Nate: (excited) Oooh! ...Or we could go to the park! Or the pool!

His Beloved Whore (go read Hosea)

The church is a whore but she's my mother. - St. Augustine

I'm getting tired of listening to people criticize the church, and I choose the word "criticize" very carefully. Not rebuke, admonish, or call out. You can rebuke someone in love. You can call someone out on their destructive behavior because you love them and care what happens to them. But when you criticize, you are putting a wall between yourself and that person; labeling them as bad and separating yourself from them.

[I may need to stop here and define "the Church." Let's go with this: the gathering of God's people for the purpose of worship. So when I say church I'm talking specifically about people who are gathered together to worship God, not just the general idea of all Christians everywhere. Notice that the concept of people gathering implies a particular space and time.]

It is absolutely true that the church needs rebuking, and you can start with me. Of all the things the church is criticized for, I'm sure I am guilty of most (if not all) of them. Hypocrisy? Check. Idolatry? Check. Impure motives? Self-absorption? Self-righteousness? Check, check, and check. So I guess this is why I don't see you on Sunday? Because church is full of people like me?

Here's why I don't get it: Sure, we're hypocrites. Yes, we miss the point. Ok, we come for the wrong reasons sometimes. But isn't it still worth it? Even if I waste half the time worshiping any number of idols (the great band, the sound of my own voice, the intellect of the pastor), if I experience even one moment of true worship... one moment where I put self aside and bow before the God of the universe... isn't that beyond worth it? Even if I miss what the pastor is saying because I'm trying to figure out where the girl in front of me got her dress... if the Holy Spirit breaks through my shallowness and reveals the truth of God's word, how blessed am I? What grace, what beautiful overflowing grace, that God still pierces through my human nature and reveals His presence.

This happens to me every Sunday morning. In the midst of my sinfulness, my idolatry, my blindness... God shows up. I see Him in the words of ancient prayers and hymns. I remember Him as I come to the communion table. I feel His peace as I join my voice with others' in prayer.

Are there hypocrites at church? Yeah. Is there corruption, greed, and self-righteousness? Yep. Somehow even still... Is God moving among His people? YES. Can He break through our sin and allow us to worship Him in spirit and truth? YES. Has God abandoned His bride? Never. So bring on the rebuke, call me out. But do it in love, because God loves the church.

Was it a good trade?

(I don't know these people -- this picture is purely representative.)

One of the reasons I'm not sure I could ever be in full-time youth ministry is that I get really REALLY bummed when kids mess up. So since kids are human and we humans tend to mess up a lot... I end up really bummed on a regular basis. This is something I wrote as a response to one of those youth ministry experiences. I wasn't going to post it because I thought it wasn't relevant to this blog. But it turns out my preschool kids will eventually be youth group kids... not to mention the fact that everyone messes up, not just teenagers, so I guess that makes it relevant.

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Every act is a spiritual act. It's whether you're aware of the spiritual implications of what you're doing. -Rob Bell

I see you.
You are bartering. Trading.
Do you know?
Somewhere, you do.
Was it a good trade?

You heard them. You listened.
They lied, but you didn't care.
This will be fun.
Let me show you.
You laughed, but without joy.
You felt release, but no freedom.
You were numb, but still hurting.

What did you bring to the table?
What did you trade?
Innocence.
Purity.
Decency.
Beauty.
Simplicity.
Truth.
Trust.
Peace.
Me.

Come back!
The robe, the ring, the feast...
It's all waiting.
I'm standing on tiptoe, hoping.
I love you.

Family Vacation to Lake Michigan

Good Intentions

This summer God has presented me with some incredible and very humbling opportunities to share my faith. As I reflect on those experiences, something jumps out at me. Nearly all of the people I talked to had hang-ups with Christianity because of negative experiences, either with Christians themselves or with Christian education. Some had been turned off by judgmental or hypocritical people who claimed to be Christians. Others had felt forced or pressured into religion through Christian education, then put off further by 'boring' rituals, rote memorization, and graded tests on religious principles.

What scares me about this, particularly as a parent, is not that my kids will be led astray by hypocrital Christians they meet or overly strict Sunday School teachers. My fear is that I will prove no less hypocritical... that the religious education my children receive, whether around the dinner table or at church, will lead them to empty rituals instead of fulfilled relationship. Of course I have the best of intentions for my children... but anyone who admits the existence of Truth must also admit that good intentions are not enough. I don't doubt for a minute that our local Christian high school was founded with the best of intentions. And yet, in the minds of the students I spoke with, the beauty and truth of the gospel has been reduced to a set of motions one must go through. [To be fair, I have also met students from this school who love Jesus and have been radically changed through their relationship with Him.]

Getting back to my point, parental (or institutional) good intentions are not enough. Intending to teach your children the truth about God does not guarantee that they will get it, and apparently they may end up resenting you for it. So what is a parent to do? Some parents take the 'let them find their own way' approach, based on the idea that religion is something everyone has to discover for themselves. I can see where these parents are coming from, to some degree. But how could I hide the love and grace of God from my children? It would be like withholding food from them on the grounds that it will taste better if they go out and find it for themselves. But at a certain point (and here's the hard part), kids need to start making their own PBJ... and making their own choices. I can teach them everything I know about fiber and protein and trans-fats, but I can't and won't go off to college with them and make sure they eat right in the dorm cafeteria.

So I guess that is the same approach we will take with spiritual matters. By our lives and our words, we will testify to our children the love and grace we have received through Jesus Christ. We will pray for them, hoping that as they start making their own choices (and their own PBJs - yay!), they will respond to the good news they have heard and follow Jesus. What happens if they don't? That's a question I don't have answers for.

Two Small Coins

Every time I've set foot on this rock
You've reminded me that I am not alone
That I will never be alone
(Brandon Heath)

Two weeks ago I went to a Young Life camp in Canada called Malibu Club. It is my favorite place in the world. Though I'm not very well-traveled, I am fairly certain that I could visit every country in the world... and come back saying that Malibu is still my favorite place to be. It's not just the beauty of the place, it is what God has done in my life on that little piece of rock that juts out into the Princess Luisa inlet.

On this last trip to Malibu I got to lead a cabin of 11 girls from 4 different high schools, and I also brought along Nate, Dexter, and Katie (our babysitter). I could spend several hours and thousands of words writing about all the stories, laughs, challenges, struggles, and victories of the week... but I think I'll just talk about one word that keeps coming back to me when I think back on the trip: Redemption.

If there is one thing I learned during and since that week, it is that our God redeems. Like the widow in the temple, I gave Him two small, nearly worthless coins, and He made them into something beautiful and eternally valuable.

I offered the time I had to give, though due to prior commitments I had to go to camp a day later than the rest of the group.
I thought it was silly to go through so much hassle to travel separately and get up there after everyone else.
God redeemed when it turned out three campers had to come up a day late as well, so I was able to travel with them.



I brought my two small children along.
I thought the kids might be in the way, that they would be a distraction or take away from what was supposed to be happening.
God redeemed when a camper stood up on the last night to share that he had grown up without a father figure, but that as he watched Dr. Bob play with his grandchildren (my kids) in the pool this week he was able to see what God's fatherly love looks like.



I gave each girl half an hour of my time on the last day of camp to talk over what they'd been hearing at Club throughout the week.
I thought they don't get it, they're not ready, this isn't sinking in.
God redeemed as one by one, each girl told me they wanted to begin or renew a relationship with Jesus. Later that night they stood up in front of their peers to profess their new faith.
God redeems still as these girls call me for coffee dates, hungry to talk about what this new life means and how to live it out each day.

It doesn't matter how little or how much I have to give... just that I give it with a joyful and grateful heart, knowing that our all-powerful God can use it for His glory.