Sunday, May 11, 2008

Praying Small

I spent a few hours last Tuesday by my sister's hospital bed. When the nurse granted Courtney a two-hour "get out of jail" pass, I helped her get out of one hospital and into another so she could spend some time by her son's bedside in the NICU.

The obvious question that rises out of my family's current circumstances is Why? Why does the 24 year-old mother of a NICU baby get gall stones and need to be hospitalized herself? Why does a young couple dealing with the hardest imaginable situation have to also struggle through living apart for months? Why does financial hardship arise the same week as a brutal infection in their tough but fragile infant?

To be honest, there's no point in asking those questions. As trite as it may sound, it is not for us to know. And if somehow God decided to break character and actually tell us, would we want to know? Now there's a question.

So I don't know why these things have happened, are happening. But one blessing of being so close to this situation is that I am drawn in, not only to the pain, but also to the joy of the daily miracles God is doing. A successful post-surgery extubation. A long cuddle for mum and baby. A quiet day together as a family. Simple and tiny things, but important and vital things that make it possible for Courtney and Jesse to face each day. Subtle yet clear signs that God is present. God is faithful. God is good.

When I look at the horrific tragedies that are playing out around the world, in places like Burma, Sudan, Uganda, I am led to pray for these small miracles. Of course I pray for the big miracles too: complete healing for Asher, restoration and recovery in Burma, peace in Sudan and Uganda. But I am learning the value of the smallest miracles in the midst of great suffering. God feed the hungry, even if it is one crumb at a time. Father bring peace to the war zone, even if it is only one less bullet today. Jesus show us you are with us, even in the tiniest of ways. Amen.


Courtney said...

love you sister!!
p.s. I was #3 and I turned out okay! ;)
Thanks for sharing your heart in a real and raw way!

Chelsea Lee said...

so true miss haley! let'e believe the little moments are as possible and neccessary as the big ones.

BobT said...

Hey Haley, I have thouroughly enjoyed reading your blog posts. Thanks for sharing the web address with me. Your last entry is very poignant (can I use these big words?). Rather than asking Why? I am asking How? God, how can the pain I feel lead me to experience you more deeply in my life; how can I use these challenging circumstances to become a better father, husband and grandfather; how can I love You more deeply and rely more fully on your grace to help me deal with the day to day struggles of my sweet little grandson? Resting in the knowledge that nothing can separate Asher from God's love for him, and for us sustains me. Knowing that the real victory over pain, suffering, and even death has been won by Christ, for all, especially for an innocent, blameless child helps keep it all in perspective. Experiencing God's grace in the midst of suffering through the body of Christ, most significantly within our family has been one of the many miracles of knowing and loving Asher. God is good. Amen.