sort it out

Her sturdy fingers move

the wooden blocks 

from bin to floor

and back to bin:

the industry of one

year olds, a crucial task.

It looks like play,

but watch her face:

intent. Intentional,

her focus broken

just for bursts

of brief delight:

The blue block fits

inside the red bin!

And she sees that

it is good.

 

This is her very work

and she will 

do it well

and long past

babyhood, this careful

sort. Good from

bad, in from out,

meaning from

nothing, created

from Creator.

So sort the bits now,

little sister,

sort it out.

Teach me again

to put things in

right order,

so to find 

the boundary lines,

like blocks and bins,

in all their

pleasant places.

to nurse

To tend,
or worry over,
in the case of wounds.
At a hospital,

to do a job,
a shift,
to lift and turn,
to measure, prod
and watch.

Here, in this darkened
room at dawn
it is love.
To give my
self, be emptied
and then filled

by the round
of her cheek, the
grasp of her tiny
fingers,
her weight in my lap,
content.

baby days

These are the days
of nakedness
with no shame,
no guilt, no blame,
no broken rules.
It's always OK
to cry,
and you can't
make any mistakes.
No wonder the Teacher
tells us to be
like you.

I love a baby

I love a baby
for all she doesn't know:
for sweet ignorance,
for the fresh start,
for a thousand mistakes
I haven't made
yet.
I love a baby
for all she doesn't do:
feet that don't run,
arms that don't fold,
lips that don't speak a word
yet.
I love a baby
for all she doesn't need:
no hard decisions
and no discipline,
no tests or therapies,
no parent-teacher conferences
yet.
Oh! how I love a baby.

matthew 6:28

Baby flower on my lap
See how you grow:
You neither labor
Nor spin, yet
No royal robes can rival
Your fresh beauty,
God-clothed --
My little lily of the field.

weight

I feel the weight of you
on my chest
even when you are
not in my arms.
You watch me now,
eyes just learning
to follow an object
across your field of vision;
you will keep watching
all the way
through girlhood and
into the years
when your every move
is a question:
Who am I?
and later:
What does it mean
to be a woman?
and I hope:
What does it mean to be
a woman of God?
These things are coming
and even now
I feel their weight,
the weight of my part
in what your answers
(and questions)
might be.
And in this way
you make me a better me,
a better woman,
a better woman of God:
thank you.

taken, blessed, broken, given

Henri Nouwen uses four words to describe what he calls the "life of the beloved": taken, blessed, broken,given. Nouwen finds these words embodied by Jesus at the Last Supper as He takes the cup, breaks the bread, blesses the elements, and gives them to his friends. I find them to be a resonant expression of pregnancy, birth, and life with a newborn. This was written when Sadie was 2 weeks old.

Taken [early pregnancy]
or rather taken over, occupied, lived in, forcibly moved to another state of being.

Blessed [late pregnancy]
wished-well, given gift after gift, lavished upon, receiving benedictions from strangers and friends.

Broken [birth]
brought low, bent over, rent open, flung wide to usher out.

Given [life with a newborn]
or rather given over in love, offered up, poured out, spent to the last sweet drop for this beautiful gift.

first communion

To be, in my body,
the answer
to her cry,
the satisfaction
of her need,
the provision
for her hunger,
to mother her:
my best trade.
"Take and eat --
this is my body,
given for you."

a blessing for my daughter

May your baby days be filled with milk and kisses;
May you learn to sleep through ruckus, nurse at t-ball games, survive your brothers' less-than-gentle love.

May your toddler time be baby dolls and monster trucks, wrestling and tutus, mud pies and sparkly tights;
May your tea parties outnumber your time outs.

May your girlhood be long and innocent;
May your eyes open only slowly to the wider world, that you may greet it with compassion, strength, and wonder, and not be crushed by its cold weight.

May you meet your Savior long before your first love;
May your heart be his before you know how to give it to anyone else.

May his love cover over all the holes that your father and I will surely leave, may it heal the wounds we'll never see, may it bind up the parts we won't know are broken;
May your place in his family supersede your place in ours, even as we try to hold you in.

May you go;
May you come back.

May you come to name your mama among your dearest friends.

May you never doubt my love for you, my dove, my daughter.