the middle

I guess I unintentionally gave up blogging here for Lent. But now, as my son wrote in his notebook this morning, He is risen! and I am back.

I don't have much to say, really. [I get most of my free therapy blogging done here these days.] I'm writing anyway today because sometimes it's good to hear the middle of the story.

We like to wait to see where our stories are going before we start telling them. We're not afraid to admit our mistakes and stumbles as long as we can keep talking, as long as we can explain just how they all got fixed and how everything happened for a reason.

What about the middle? What about the times when we aren't sure how it will all turn out? Why are we afraid to open our mouths in those moments?

It might be because opening our mouths when we're in the middle can sound a lot like whining. It can sound like lack of faith. It can even sound like disobedience.

And maybe it is, I don't know. Maybe we have to whine and doubt and disobey our way through the muck until we see how God is making castles from our mud cakes. I still think it's OK to talk about it.

lent

It was a strange Ash Wednesday for me this year.

True, I did spend the usual quiet evening hour in stillness and intermittent soft singing... but I wasn't at church. I was in a dark bedroom, trying to lull my strong-willed son into the sleep he so desperately needed.

Instead of ashes across my forehead I got scratch marks across my cheek. He's a fighter, this one.

I haven't been thinking about what I'll give up for Lent. I've been wavering between self-pity over the sacrifices of my current season and pure wonder at the joy of it.

I think I'll allow myself the creature comforts this Lent - facebook and coffee and such. Lord knows I'll have enough built-in loneliness and exhaustion in these 40 days. The task, then, will be to turn to Jesus in all of it -- to let it be a joining in his loneliness, his aching bones, his fear and confusion and desperation. He walked those roads to lead me in them if I'll let him.

noticing

Noticing is a good habit, I think. It can be a remedy for self-obsession... unless, of course, you only notice things about yourself. :) Anyway, here are some things I've been noticing.

The light pink rhododendrons are blooming.

My boys, 27 months apart, are sharing clothes. (Can't decide how I feel about this.)

Reheated rice is not that great.

Board books hurt when they are chucked point-blank at the back of your head.

The grass is growing again.

My children are some of the most forgiving individuals I have ever met. Thank God.

The laundry needs to be folded.

The scent of newly-opened cherry blossoms can drift a long way.

Nothing important seems to happen when (or how) you think it will.

God knows what he's doing.

they said it

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Me: Dexter, are you all done with your cereal?

Dexter: You're a moose fur bagel dog!

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Preschool Teacher: Wow, you're smart!

Dexter: Smarty, hearty, party!

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[in the car, out of the blue]

Dexter: Only bees are on facebook.

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Nate: Mommy, I kind of like that show that's not a kid show where the people sing and the three people watch them.

Me: Oh yeah?

Nate: Yeah. Is that in Hollywood?

Me: What?! You know what Hollywood is?

Nate: Yes, I know what Hollywood is.

[Duh, Mom.]

Me: OK, what is Hollywood?

Nate: It's when you get the yellow paper.

Me: [cracking up and remembering that I let him watch a few minutes of American Idol with me last week] Yep, you're right buddy.

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[during prayers last night]

Nate: Please Jesus, help the people in Ethiopia have a good meeting so that Zeke can come home soon. Because I really want Zeke to come home soon.

[Amen to that, son.]

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in which i rant SNL-style about individualism and success-worship

I usually steer clear of parenting magazines, but the other day I grabbed a free copy of Parent Map at preschool. I picked it up for 2 reasons:

1. I just started reading a fascinating book called "Conceiving Parenthood: American Protestantism and the Spirit of Reproduction" and chapter 1 was all about the underlying messages about race, class, and culture in parenting magazines from their inception (around the 1920s) to now.

2. The cover story caught my eye; the title was "Are We Born Racist?"

The bulk of the story was what I expected: a surface-level treatment of racism, a "startling" revelation that the "color-blind" approach to racial differences is ineffective (duh), and some basic but helpful prompts for how to talk to different ages of children about race.

A bit superficial and behind the curve, but not offensive... until the last section entitled "Why It Matters." Here is a quote from that section of the article:

"Living in an increasingly diverse society - in any kind of multi-ethnic society -- if you hold intolerant beliefs or are fearful of the 'other,' that is going to be deeply stressful," says Marsh [Jason Marsh, author of a book entitled "Are We Born Racist?"]. "Research suggests that that kind of stress can take a toll on your psychological and physical health." ... Also, Marsh says, egalitarian people tend to have more successful careers.

And now it's time for a spin-off of my favorite Saturday Night Live skit, "Really?!!" with Seth & Amy.

REALLY, James Marsh and Parent Map??!! Really, that's why parents should talk to their kids about race and try to eliminate racial prejudice? Because otherwise THEIR precious little child might experience stress or an unsuccessful career? Really? I mean, obviously parents these days can't be bothered to think about how their child's racial ignorance might harm ANOTHER person's child, I mean that's just silly because who cares about other people's kids, right? I mean really. Parents these days just don't have the time and energy to teach their kids things like dignity, kindness, respect, humility, and decency... UNLESS it will also help their particular special child to achieve a less stressful and more sucessful life, because my child's PERSONAL INDIVIDUAL SUCCESS is all that matters, really!!!! Really.

OK I'm done. What do you think (really)?

go play

Last week Jon was off from work and we took the opportunity to engage as a family in the spiritual discipline of play. OK, so I've never seen 'play' listed as a spiritual discipline, but I think it should be. As far as I understand them, spiritual disciplines are practices which help us take on the person of Jesus Christ in our bodies and minds in order that we may be transformed more and more into his likeness. In my experience, this can happen when we study scripture, pray, fast, serve, confess, and yes -- play.

[These pictures are all from one epic day of play last week -- Lincoln Park, Vashon beach hike, hot chocolate stop at the cabin, and Bellevue Garden D'Lights.]

our christmas letter

This is the first year since getting married that we haven't sent out a Christmas photo/card/letter. Mostly because we will be sending out an adoption announcement when our son comes home (which we hope will be SOON), and I am way too lazy to send out that many cards twice!

In lieu of an actual letter, here is the blog version. Enjoy!

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Greetings friends! We hope this letter finds you happy, healthy, and enjoying the season with the ones you love.

2010 was a big year for our family - we tried new things, went new places, met new people, and had our hearts opened, broken, and mended over and over.



Nate started kindergarten this fall and is absolutely loving it! His reading and writing are improving every day and currently one of his favorite pastimes is writing notes to me and leaving them around the house. This year he played T-ball and swam on the summer league swim team. Nate enjoys doing mazes, building train tracks, and playing with his best friend - his brother Dexter.



Speaking of Dexter, he is still cracking us up with crazy antics every day! His preschool teachers have a story for me every time I pick him up. He is still obsessed with Thomas the Train, but also loves puzzles, books, and sidewalk chalk. He gives the best hugs in town and enjoys snuggling with Mommy and wrestling with Daddy.

Jon continues to find his job satisfying and challenging. He regularly gets recognized at work for his great technical ability and strong leadership. I'd brag more but I don't want to embarrass him! He has been serving as an Elder at our church for the past year and a half, as well as leading a search committee to hire our new Director of Worship, Music & the Arts. He also still plays drums a few Sundays a month.



I have been busy as usual, especially since joining our church staff as the Interim Worship & Arts Coordinator last Winter. I planned worship services, coordinated our art gallery, and put together several special events throughout the year. I enjoyed this work, but am happily finished now that we have hired a new director. I still teach parent/child preschool classes once a week and participate in weekly women's Bible study, as well as singing in church regularly.



In October we traveled to Ethiopia as part of our adoption process. It was truly a life-changing experience and we plan to go back as often as possible. Our son, Eba Ezekiel ("Zeke") Ballast, was officially adopted into our family on November 15, 2010! We are now waiting for the US Embassy in Ethiopia to finish processing his visa and passport so we can bring him home, hopefully in early 2011.



God has been good to us and we are so thankful for his blessings, including many of you - our sweet friends and family. (And a shout out to any internet strangers out there too, thanks for reading!)

May the miracle of Christ's incarnation, the glory of his resurrection, and the hope of his coming kingdom fill your hearts with joy and peace this Christmas!

Love,
The Ballast Family